A Husband and A Father’s Love

A week from now, January 27, will be Papa’s supposed to be 60th day here on Earth. But today, out of nowhere I opened Mama’s box of letters. Suddenly I got too emotional while reading his letters for her (dated back in 1978-1986 when he was out for hi MS at UPLB and travels abroad for fieldwork, training, workshops). Then it made me look back those years when he was still with us physically.

My father was workaholic as I may say but he never failed to give time for his family. These memories made me appreciate and value how he made us become now. “The WEEKEND = FAMILY is always his principle as much as possible (not unless he needs to be out for fieldwork, training or workshops). FAMILY first and everything follows was instilled in my young mind up to now.” In fact he’s always away almost every month but it never keep us from feeling his love. These letters are again a proof of a HUSBAND and a FATHER’s sincere, pure, genuine LOVE. He never failed to let us know how much he loved us, even back when I was a child, from a distance he always fill his heart with us. Now, while I’m at emo mode, it made me realize where I got this side of me. I can never be more than proud of having him as my FATHER, my DAD and Papa Nanding.

You will always have my HAND

I did not see this coming, nor expected to end just like that. Right now, I only know one thing. I did not regret giving you my HAND.

August 21

This has always been a Significant Day not only for the Philippines but for myself as well. Today, a favor was granted and that was HAPPINESS and will be forever cherished. If only I could cease that moment. SALAMAT. I may treasure this date because I once become the happiest, however, today has also become a very historical date for the mother land. Let me repost this quote from BayaniBolusyon page “The Philippines remembers two great men today, Pres. Benigno “Ninoy” Aquino and Sec. Jessie Robredo. Indeed, we may have lost them but their legacies shall live on. And we shall move forward with the pursuit to love this country and build this nation – just as how remarkably they have both showed us.”

Yes, in August 21, remembering two great men plus one. We may have lost them, I may have lost him… but their memories remain. That beautiful past remains.

Borrowed times can never be yours forever. As the word BORROWED, you need to return it to the rightful owners. Hence, that moment became only a memory. For the two great heroes of the Philippines, you have served your borrowed moments here on Earth well, leaving such legacies whom we would look forward to pursue a better future. May you rest in peace eternally, going home to our Almighty Father in Heaven.

And for that borrowed hours to this one great man, thank you for sharing it with me. I am always been grateful for that August 21 and I think I have returned you back to where you should be. It was just such a beautiful past that I could always dream, wish and long for.

Hence, August 21 will not only be a HOLIDAY but a VERY SPECIAL DAY.

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

TOMORROW, today will become YESTERDAY

Tomorrow, today will just be a memory

And TODAY was just a memory

A beautiful memory, despite and in spite

Against all odds

And TODAY, your happiness is all that matters

It is still and always has been

WORK: A job, a career or a calling?!

I just would like to repost this again. A dear friend of mine shared this from our batch group page and I think it is worth a deep thought especially when you feel that you’re not on the right direction.

Work that is a chore is called a job. Work that is a climb is called a career. Work that is a joy is called a calling.

Work for survival and paying the bills is a job. Work for social recognition and influence is a career. Work as an end in itself, as an expression of one’s true nature is a calling.

Job fills the stomach. Career fills the head. Calling fills the heart and soul ..

Now some of us are in jobs, some in careers, and some have found our calling. The most important principle to remember here is this: “Find a way to love what you do, until you can do what you love.”

The lotus is born from the mud. Jobs and careers are the rich mud from which we discover the right direction, skills and attitude to find and fully blossom the lotus of our calling.

Everything is perfect and constantly improving …

Now which one is yours?

Fated to love you…

If a person really matter, forgetting and not thinking about the past are neither the same thing. It is not about forgetting, because you never will. But at least you can try not to think about the past to keep you going. I only know the first was accidental, the second time is inevitable and the third time is by FATE.

People say that a girl is just too innocent when she is fooled on the first time, she is too naive if she is fooled the second time and if she is fooled for the third time, then she is simply stupid.

Because of arrange marriage and cultural differences, I wasted and missed the opportunity to tell how much I wanted him to stay and I continued to live with regret and have been longing for these past 5 years. Perhaps he knew but still married someone else. Nothing you can do but accept, accept and accept. What is important is that we have chosen how to live our life. Without each other, we have still lived on until today, haven’t we.

Yes, I may be fated to love you but our fate says that I can’t be with you forever by your side and vice versa. ~Anonymous

Realization of a 28, turning 29 girl…

Contemplating…

Out of nowhere, I just had this sudden realization. I am almost reaching the end of the calendar, (i.e. just one more year and I’ll be 30!) :p Looking back, I am reminiscing the things I’ve done in the past 28yrs of my life. Dreams that came true, the bountiful achievements that I am blessed with and the people who gave extraordinary impact from that journey. Wheeww, surprisingly it’s been 28yrs. All those years, unexpected events were really happening. A bucket full of tears and laughter, full of struggles and pain, yet there were moments of victory. I can always be proud of coming from a simple yet intact and happy family. My Dad was strict, yes, he was but in a sense a parent should be. I may not have realized that, not until now. Sadly I lost him, as early as 20, we lost him. That was the last I expected to happen. Acceptance took some time, and eventually the sorrows were gone and filled with positivity. Life must go on. As the saying goes, “When you lose a thing, there is joy to replace that empty space”.

 I continued to live for my dreams, giving me the opportunity to feel the life of the outside world, to come out from my shell and meet people from different walks of life. I was happy and contented with such simple life. Seems that the stars were shining brightly, it is somehow one of those joys and memories that I have not imagined my entire life. Then I started singing “This is what dreams are made of”. Unknowingly, it is not always a happy ending for me to become fulfilled and satisfied. Life makes it even more complicated. As soon as I reached the quarter of my life, I again got trapped with the unexpected. Indeed it is not “yet” a happy ending, because the journey still continues.

 And now, for just a second, my mind is whispering “There are still so many things that you wanted to do, so many!”. Don’t just stop and waste a year regretting a miserable past. There is no such a burden because you always learn in every rough roads. All you need is to continue walking. Thanks for each second, it made us think deeply. YES! Indeed, there are still so many things that I so wanted to do!. If I’ll be given the opportunity and resources, no matter where the roads may lead me again, I would love to learn more and do these stuffs. At least to realize few of these many frustrations and to expect the unexpected. What can I do now to fill in more of those 28yrs rollercoaster ride?! Okay, here’s my Bucket List as of January 2012:

1. Adventure - sometimes complicated things are exciting, never stop exploring

Antartic/Arctic Expedition: I always dream to explore the poles and meet Mumble the happy feet!

Sky diving: I am always afraid of heights, hence, I want to overcome that fear.

Mountain Climbing: Hhhmm…Mt. Everest?! Why not?! But first things first, let’s explore our native land since it is more fun in the Philippines. And so, Mt. Pulag and Mt. Apo, I wish to be with you someday.

Advance Scuba Diving: SCUBA diving is still a passion. I am a certified open water scuba diver, but one incident caused me a traumatic experience. Hence I wanted to overcome that, go for a refresher course and start the advance course.

2. Music – I love Music, but I always felt that music does not love me. So I think, this does not stop me to form a one woman band! :p If I’ll be given a chance to learn these instruments, I will. This time with more heart and passion.

Guitar (lead, rhythm and bass): The strum of the G-strings, makes my heart sing

Violin/Celo: Peaceful, calmness and tranquillity coming from the graceful vibration of the bow

Drums: The lively beat of the drums, like raindrops on the window pain, brings sound to a lonely night or day

Piano: The mellow touch of the keys, ahh…serenity!

3. Arts – I only know the basics, but I don’t really call myself an artist because in order to become one, you’ve got to be imaginative and creative. Something that is coming from your own perspective. These I need to learn more

Sketching – a simple pencil or charcoal, a plain black and white representing a classic masterpiece. This is one of the favourite things I love to do and would love to do it more often.

Water Color Painting – Used to do it on a simple ordinary paper and watercolour, but to control the colors is not an easy stuff. I need patience for this. Someday, need to play with my paint brush again

Oil Painting – Never got the opportunity to touch a real canvass, and this one thing for sure, I wanted to explore

Photography – I started, simply the point and shoot without the technicalities. One of the greatest ambition I have from this passion is to submit an entry to National Geographic, somehow hoping to get publish! Need to spend more time with OLY, MACKY and MIDI…and learn more on the rule of thumbs

4. Sports - I need to become a healthy ME

Badminton – I miss BAB, I know he misses me too. So, whenever I get the chance, at least I can spend some time with you.

Table Tennis – just one special person got me with this and made me fall in love with this sport. Unlike any other sports, this needs constant practice, once you stop, you need to go back from the start. The basic! I am afraid I might had forgotten those tips from my coach. Need to get acquainted with my little PONG again.

Triathlon – I find this cool but deadly. Haha…well, I think it won’t harm if I try.

5. To publish – whether a scientific journal or not. I myself is a frustrated writer, I love writing! I tried to be one, but I am accepting the fact that am not as imaginative as can be. But I do dream of getting publish, whether a scientific journal to NATURE or some fiction novels. Hahaha…not quite ambitious!

6.  Volunteering work in a remote area or developing country –With all sincerity, this I always wanted to do, ever since! My heart always speaks for it. I even imagine myself stuck in a very country area, or rather in a mountainside doing outreach programs. Teaching and educating kids and the community. If I have a chance, maybe this small empty feeling I have right now will be filled up with joy and satisfaction after doing so.

7. To become a good, understanding, respectful, responsiblel wife and MOM: The last but not the least! However busy I may be, I need to prioritize things and as always “FAMILY FIRST”. — BUT and there is BUT, I need to find that significant other asap! :p

 My lucky 7 lists, not because I’m 28 but because I can’t deny the fact that days are counting! At least I can enjoy some of these before everything gets too busy! Leave all the unimportant and focus on the significant! Fly high to the top of the world and enjoy LIFE.^_^